The secret to my self-confidence

Makeup By Ms. Dee

I used to be that girl that was so self conscious about everything. I hated the way I looked. I would stay home and never go out. I would hide in my room and cry a lot.

If I told you that the above statements were true you would believe them right? They are not true for me but I’m sure someone out there feels a connection to these statements. I have not felt this way but I have come close. I was always taught that I was beautiful and that I could do anything anyone else could. I had no boundaries and was supported in everything I put my mind to even if it failed miserably. My grandmother and my aunt taught me from a young age about confidence and self esteem. I was told that it was as precious as a diamond and I cultivated and protected it as such.

My self image has never been distorted. I have always been overweight since a little girl but I never called myself ugly. I have also not called myself fat. At least not in front of other people. I have known other women to feel some type of way about their looks but not me. I have always been confident in myself and have learned to exude that confidence in how I walk and talk. Here are some of the ways and tips I used to build up my confidence.

  • Educate yourself. Education is the one thing that no one can take away from you. Learn and grow intellectually. This will anchor your confidence. Do your research and learn as much as you can no matter how old you are. Education rules the nation, that’s a fact. Education gives you understanding as well as a more intelligent conversation. Smart, educated people are never ugly. They are always respected and revered. I would rather have a group of smart friends than just pretty ones. Besides, an educated woman is the sexiest woman ever. Ask Michelle Obama. 
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. We are all created differently. We look different and sound different. We’re shaped different and we are raised in different environments and in different ways. That’s the one mistake that will lead to your own self destruction and the demolishing of your self esteem. “Just because Susie is shaped one way and the boys like it doesn’t mean that I have to look the same way for boys to like me.” This was a constant speech as I was growing up and becoming a young lady. This gave me a lot of perspective on myself and how I perceive others.
  • Don’t put yourself down. Not even joking!!! Making fun of yourself in any aspect makes it okay for the people around you to do the same. In essence, you are training the people around you how to treat and respect you by how you treat and respect yourself and your things. I know that sounds weird and crazy but it’s true. 
  • Give yourself positive thoughts every day. Mirror time is my favorite time of the day, Much like  the character in Being Mary Jane I do have sticky notes on my mirror and even a few on my computer that tell me how beautiful and smart I am and that I can conquer anything that life throws at me. When you put good and positive in you get good and positive out. Negativity is no one’s friend so if you have a lot of it around you it’s time to clean house. Even if that means a few friends and family members have to be cut off. For the sake of your own sanity cut ties with negative people and things.
  • Become your number one fan. Okay, this one is a doosey but I need you to be your own cheerleader. No one else is rooting for you harder than you. If you don’t want to see you be great than no one else cares. Be your own motivation. Your only real competition is you. I am always on a quest to out do my self. You have to be your number one investor, advertiser, and PR. This will build on your confidence slowly but surely. You are a star. Become your best fan ever.
  • Get to know yourself. Yeah this one is a little Psychological but is needed. You need to know yourself inside and out. Start a journal or a diary and take a 30 day journey to get to know yourself. Record your thoughts and feelings as they come and you’ll be surprised at what you might find out about you. Take yourself on dates and take a long walk on the beach with yourself. Stop looking for other people to invest their time in you if you won’t. Become comfortable with yourself and your body. It will be the best 30 days of your life. 
  • Learn that nobody is perfect. Even these celebrities that we see on TV and idolize have flaws. Some of the most beautiful people on this planet have some area they want to work on or some part of their body that is not what they would like. It’s okay to be you. None of us are perfect or exactly symmetrical in our features. It’s part of being human. This is why the world has so many plastic surgeons and Gym’s. If you truly have something about yourself that you want to fix with a nose job or tummy tuck go right ahead. After that wears off something else you will find wrong and the plastic surgeon will get rich and send his kids to college with your money. I don’t do plastic surgery but to each their own. If you feel overweight or depressed the GYM is the best place to go. Exercise released endorphins in the brain and endorphins make you happy. So a simple workout routine, with the approval of a physician, can help how you look and feel.
  • Fake it till you make it. A lot of times I just had to walk into the room with my head high and own who I was even though I was screaming in terror on the inside. I just kept on pushing and smiling until the act I was putting on became a reality. I was just being myself. A lot of times we feel like we have to act like a group of people to fit in with them. This is a lie. Any group whether it be friends or a social group, fit together like a puzzle. Each piece is unique to the total picture. If each piece of a puzzle was the same it would never make a clear picture or sense for that matter. Everyone has something unique to bring to the table. Everyone has a talent to contribute to the group to make it stronger. Remember that you are unique. The group is blessed to have you and not you are blessed to have the group.

I hope that someone has taken a few notes or at least gotten something from this. We are all different and unique in many ways. This aspect is what makes life so great. We meet and greet people daily through this journey and it should be embraced, enjoyed and shared. I don’t want you walking through life doubtful and scared because of something as petty as self esteem or self image. I want to walk through life with your head held high ready to be a blessing in someones day, moment, and life. You are beautiful, smart and strong and I think it’s time you show that to the world.