Twisted Feminity

For the past six months I have been feeling a little out of sorts. I was exhausted and un motivated. I felt out of control and not myself. I was depressed and had just given up on myself so to speak. I wasn’t doing my hair, my nails were a mess, I didn’t care for myself well at all. I knew something needed to change.

I started searching on YouTube and came across some very interesting video content about leveling up and femininity. I was searching for tips on how to always look good and Pandora’s box was opened. There were literally thousands of hours of content on the subject. Each and every one with a different statistic involved.

Most of the popular content I have seen is about self care, which we all need right now or about leveling up, which is a whole different subject. Femininity is truly a social construct. It is a set of actions and character traits. Most feminity can be learned, some only comes with being female, which is also discretionary. I was looking for true, female feminity.

Fast forward to today and I have finally achieved balance in my mind and my life. I am functioning on a better level today. The content I found, along with some good old fashioned research has helped me in ways that I could have never imagined. I was in love with myself again with a whole new perspective about self care and femininity as a whole.

What Changed?

My Idea of self care was generated around consumerism and the notion that I could buy products and that would make me feel better and that just wasn’t the truth. I needed to sort out what I considered to be self care. I had to reprogram my mindset.

Self care wasn’t a bath or a candle, it was a system that I would set up that would help me to be more productive, organized and stress less. I was basically going to have to mother myself. Just like I mother my children, I would have to show myself that same love and give myself that same attention.

I felt unworthy at the time, I really had to shift my thinking. It was time for a mental makeover. I developed a system to get me to work on time. I know that this may seem mundane but follow me here.

I was at least ten minutes late to work on a daily basis. My manager was sick of it and I was reprimanded. This defeated me because using the system I had, which was none, I was thinking that I was doing my best. I needed to save my job. I observed myself for a week and found out that I wasn’t starting my day on my terms.

I usually was awakened by a school bus horn or my phone ringing which meant I had to give something or someone else my attention as soon as I got up in the morning. I wasn’t able to give myself that attention because I didn’t create time for me.

So, after careful planning and research, and a lot of self-help books, I created a schedule that allowed me to start my day on my terms. I started by going to bed earlier so that I could wake up earlier and a month later I am slaying my mornings.

I never thought I could do this. I was so used to my mornings being a chaotic rush. Now I am up at 5am. I’m the first person up out of bed in my house each morning. This schedule gives me time to take good care of myself before meeting the needs of my family or the demands of my job.

Femininity is not one size

While most of the tips and advice I got was a big help, most of it was not a good fit for my life and my schedule. I had to make some adjustments to fit my needs. This was easy for me because I knew exactly what I was looking for. Most people dive into these searches not knowing what they really want out of it.

Take yourself and you lifestyle into consideration. Make sure to pick out the advice you use like picking out flowers. Only the most beautiful and the ones that really speak to you. Everything isn’t for everyone. What may work for me, may not fit into your life.

Be careful not to get too caught up in the “high value woman bit”. Your value is determined by you and not what you wear or how you act. Respect and love yourself and you will show others how to treat you. Don’t let these strangers behind a computer screen determine your worth. You are awesome and one of a kind. Love yourself. I know I do.