My Self love journey

I have been on a mission to improve my mental health by taking a direct approach to self care. I realized that I had to improve my reality in order to find peace with myself. In order to change my reality I had to change my mentality or mindset. That would be the most difficult part of this journey.

I always thought that I wasn’t worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of care, worthy of anything. As soon as I shifted this idea out of my head everything started to change. I started saying things to myself that totally shifted my reality. The truth that I failed to see was that I was worthy and every human is worthy of simple basic needs. It was not necessary for me to neglect myself in order to be productive or successful. I was just as important.

I went from being selfless to selfish. Let me explain. I had neglected and negated my own feelings for so long that people knew I cared more about them and what they thought of me than how I felt or thought about myself. They knew that I would go out of my way, sometimes to my own detriment, to help or please them instead of myself.

This caused me a lot of stress and I lost a lot of time and rest because of it. I missed important moments in my life because I was focused on what other people thought or felt about me.

I immediately changed this behavior by asking myself “How does this affect you?” “How will this help you?” Will this make you feel good? Will this give you peace?” As soon as I started to care more about me and my feelings people started to call me selfish. A title I was happy to take if it meant that at the end of the day I would have peace and be happy with ME.

You have to know you’re only selfish to people when they can no longer use you for their own selfish gain.

Everyone is fine with your life falling apart as long as it serves them. Protect yourself and your peace. Affirmations were number one in helping me to create a mindset that served me. I also have a gratitude journal that I try to write one thing I am grateful for everyday. You have to be your own cheerleader. You should never push or motivate anyone harder than you do yourself. Counseling also helped me to overcome a lot of stigmas that I attached to myself.

Once I made my mental space peaceful and inviting, my physical world started to follow. I was living healthier, sleeping better, stressing less, and enjoying life more. I even started to look better because it made me feel good to focus on myself which caused me to cultivate my style. My makeup, hair, clothes, even my hygiene started to reflect how much care I was putting into myself.

I don’t have any magic formula or great ancient secret for this but, I promise if you take time to focus on yourself, Your life will change dramatically. Give yourself the love and care you deserve. You are an awesome person and you deserve the best. Give it to yourself. No one will ever love or care for you more than you.

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Let’s water the flowers

Sometimes people just need to hear a kind word. The world is full of hate and unrest. It’s hard to find kindness or even courtesy. Let’s give people more of what we want.

I have always wanted to be loved and well liked. How can the universe give me something that I’m not willing to give others? My grandma used to say “ If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I’m taking that to heart this year.

I make it my intention every day to say something nice to anyone I meet. Even if it’s just a warm hello or good morning. I say it with a smile and a little enthusiasm. People love to be greeted.

I’ve also made it an intention to encourage people I see struggling. Everyone needs encouragement. Not everyone has a strong support system at home. Your kind words may be the only and last kind words that they ever hear.

Life is so short. We must help each other on this journey. We must band together and climb up this mountain called life. Please find it in your heart to be kind and encourage someone today. It will make you feel just as good as them. It’s a great cure for the blues.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

The anxiety seeds of a pandemic

I used to love working and going places. Now I can’t even get out of my bed to go to work without some sort of anxiety attack. I’m trying my hardest to get back to normal but I just can’t seem to get in line. My life is forever changed. I wasn’t an introvert. The pandemic made me one. I used to have plenty of friends and vast social circles.

Now, I barely want to go to the grocery store or go in at a gas station. If I can be serviced at my car or have things delivered to my house, I’m satisfied.

I never thought this would change me but it has. I’m not the same person I used to be. I never did large crowds. Now I can’t even do large crowds online. The sight of a large group makes me cringe.

I would love nothing more than for things to go back to normal. It still won’t change the fact that I can’t get back to normal.

Goal setting for the new year

I know it’s a tough subject to think about right now but it’s time to set some goals for 2020. We all start out the new year with resolutions, which we break within 10 minutes of the new year. This year I’m starting with goals. I want to accomplish more in the new year besides a whole night sleep.

After carefully reviewing every aspect of my life, I have come up with carefully thought out goals and action steps to help me to reach each one. This sounds simple, but it took me a few days to sort out what I really wanted out of life and how could I get there.

I had to sort out the attainable from the totally rediculous. I have a lot of wants, all of my wants cannot be turned into attainable goals. Most of my wants were really broken down to achievable by a change in routine or habit. My real goals, had a series of steps and levels to the finished product.

I have four planners that help me to achive daily, weekly, and monthly goals. All of them are different sizes and only one system is a different type. I picked each of these planners according to what information I will be keeping track of in each. I’ll go into more detail of each in a later post.

When you get your clear vision about what you want out of life and make a plan of how you will get there, trust your judgement on what if any planner or planning system will work for you.

Here are a few pointers to help you along the way.

1. Separate your wants from your needs. Most goal setting is stumped by wants vs needs. Needs are necessary for everyday life, wants make getting your needs easier, comfortable or more efficient.

2. Be realistic about your goals. Nothing hurts worse than trying to reach an unrealistic goal. It’s like trying to go to the moon without a space ship.

3. Don’t stop with a general goal. Keep going by writing your action steps out. Then you can see your plan in action.

4. Take your time. This is your goals and your plan. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else or conform your goals based on where you should be. Plan for where you are and where You want to go and not where others want you to be.

5. You don’t have to be a superhero. Your goal are about you and only you. Don’t feel bad for that. You are not responsible for helping others achieve their goals. Don’t allow them to make you feel bad about your success.

I hope this post helps you to rock your goals this year. Go for it. Don’t let fear keep you from your dreams.

2020 The year of clear vision.

The beginning of a new decade is days away and I have strategically set up my life and my routines to serve me greatly in the new year. 2019 has shown me a lot about myself, my loved ones, my friends and my life. My elders had a saying when you were not living with your priorities in order. They would say, “When you see life, all that other stuff will change.” meaning that when you realize what’s really important, you’ll get your act together.

Well, I’m here to say, they were absolutely right. Living with a conscious mind, and an open perspective has brought me many blessings. I can finally see clear. I am finally focused on what really matters to me and now I am ready to receive whatever the universe has for me. I am ready to embrace life and all that it brings.

This year taught me a lot of hard lessons. I have suffered and prospered all in the same breath. I am ready to move on and take my lessons with me. I have aligned myself with the universe and am grateful for all that I have and all that I am going to receive.

Life has an interesting way of getting you to pay attention and be present. I’m thankful for every wakeup call. I hope that you have found a great lesson to take with you into the new year. I hope this new year brings you much joy, love, prosperity, and self awareness.

I am totally aware of myself and what my job here is. I am totally at the mercy of God and his great design for my life. I don’t know my purpose but I am well aware of my calling.

Happy new year to you all and I hope that we will be blessed to share many more together.

How to get what you really want

We all have a vision of how we want our lives. How to obtain all that we seek is a different story. Many of us feel like what we really want in life is not obtainable but the truth is that you can really have it all.

You can have your dream job. You can have your dream family. You can have your dream lifestyle. You just have to create it.

Yes, you have to create the life you want, the relationship you want, the job you want. These things take root in your mind and for some they lie dormant waiting on a miracle to happen so they can unfold. The truth is that the miracle already happened. Now you have to act.

If you’re reading this, that means that you are alive and well. You have life and breath in your body. The creator has placed your feet on this earth and you have power that you haven’t even tapped into yet.

Do you really think that a marvelous creator wouldn’t give you the power to create?

You have so much power to change and re arrange your life and your circumstances and all you have to do is ask, believe, and receive with gratitude. Every thing that you want in life is at your fingertips.

Don’t just let life happen to you, create the life you want and enjoy every moment. Speak love, joy, and prosperity into your life and watch how things start to change and turn around.

From money to peace you have the power to speak it into your life. Do what makes you happy. Love life and every minute of it and watch it love you right back.

The universe is waiting on you. Make a move and give it a nudge in the right direction.

The Hard Truth

Self Esteem is a tough issue for a lot of people. We are not mentally prepared to take a hard look at ourselves and think critically about who we are and what we represent. Our value or our worth is based upon what other people need or want from us.

What most of us have not realized yet, is that the person we see in the mirror every day is our true hero. You have the tools to change who and what you are at any point in time. You can save yourself and the direction your life is going in.

We are always waiting on something or someone to save us and the reality is that the savior is you. That idea that you have, the invention you are thinking of, even the book you want to write, all of those things are coming to you for a reason.

You have to trust that if God gives you an idea that he will certainly give you the tools to bring that idea into existence. Trust your gut and go for it. There are lessons and a blessing on the journey. All you have to do is make the first step. Jump into your future without fear or worry. There is something great waiting for you at the end.

We center our lives around other people as if our life belongs to them and not us. Who are you really living for? Are you even living at all? Do you feel like something is missing?

Make the first step to a better life and a better future. Step into your destiny with confidence and clarity. You know exactly what you have to do. Get started. Make a move and don’t look back, I know it seems scary. I know you’re afraid. Everything awesome in life happens on the other side of fear.

Take control of your life and your future. Get out there and make something happen. The universe is waiting to give you your heart’s desire.

Give yourself a break

Often times we are hard on ourselves. We rant and stew in all of our assumed shortcomings and disappointments. Your brain will always fool you into thinking that what you are doing on a daily basis isn’t good enough. The question is, “Good enough for who?” Whose standards are we judging our life by? Whose plan for our life are we going by?

Most of the time we are judging ourselves through the eyes of others. That is a crappy way of viewing yourself. Other people judge us based on their own insecurities. Their view of themselves is greatly skewed by another person’s impression upon them and they are now making this impression upon you. All impressions and ideas, in this case, are false.

You are not what people say about you. You are not what people think about you. You don’t have to be what others want you to be. You don’t have to live up to the unrealistic model that people want you to reach. Your life is in your hands. You have the final say in your portrait of who you are and what you want to do with your life. Give yourself a break!

No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and they make each and every one of us unique individuals. Stop being hard on yourself and letting other people lay their criticism at your doorstep. You are only living for you. You are only competing with You. You only need to make You happy.

The minute you realize, accept and implement this, your life and your insight will be so much better. Your mind will clear and you can focus on what really matters, You.

5 Self care techniques that can help your anxiety

 

   Some anxiety can be really debilitating. I know because I am living with anxiety. Some days, just getting out of bed is a struggle. I also have clinical depression and both of these conditions together really make daily life a struggle. With two kids and a household to manage, I don’t have time to wallow in my mental setbacks. I have learned a few coping techniques and I want to share them with you so that maybe you can use these techniques to push through as well.

1.) Breathe.

  Studies have shown that the simple act of deep breathing helps to relieve anxiety. Fresh oxygen to the brain helps to give your thinking processes good fuel. Sometimes that’s all it takes. So just breathe deep and slow. Everything is going to work out for your good.

2.) Bathing and showering

  I remember when I was younger and my grandmother would say “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” Well, that’s almost true. The simple act of bathing is symbolic of “washing off the day”. It gives you a metaphorical clean slate. Just like every day is a new beginning, So goes a good shower or bath. So wash the day off and start over.

3.) Clean your personal space

  This is another “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” thing. Removing the trash, junk, and clutter around you lends itself to a feeling of having it all together. The act of removing clutter from your personal space also removes clutter from your mind. You also reap the benefits of having a clean and organized space.

4.) Journal

  There are many ways that journals helps your anxiety and mental health. Journaling is a way of weeding through your thoughts and emotions. Having them on paper gives you time to really examine what and how your anxiety is triggered, therefore helping you to cope better in those situations. Not to mention it is a great therapy tool.

5.) schedules and routines

  Having a set schedule and routine is also a great way to combat anxiety. I have routines for everything and every moment of my day is planned out including my leisure time. I know this sounds like a lot but it works for me. Having a schedule keeps me focused and having a routine keeps me on task. I know what I am supposed to be doing and when I am supposed to be doing it. I just re-center myself when I get lost. I also take advantage of decorative planning. This helps me to use my creativity as a coping mechanism.

My life is not perfect by any means but having this five techniques in place already in my life has helped me to battle anxiety and depression greatly. I hope that they can help you too. Feel free to come back and visit my blog for more tips and links to great help and advice. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss a post. Remember to live every day like there is no tomorrow.

I Almost Died

With any major change in life comes some stress. The stress of change can cause us to really freak out most of the time. I know I have damn near gone crazy with all the changes in my life right now. There are a few lessons that I have learned that I think will help some of you who are also going through some type of stress or just dealing with a full plate. Most of these lessons are common sense, but most are ones you didn’t think of. Sometimes our brain is so full of other things that we aren’t really thinking clear. That brings me to my first point:

1.) Just breathe.

This change and the stress that comes with it has not killed you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this, Just take a second and breathe. Assess the situation and calm down, You will get through this. Once you stop and breathe, the fresh oxygen to your brain will help you to think more clearly.

2.) Handle the hard stuff first.

I know we like to do the easy stuff first but, doing the stuff we want to do the least first helps to clear the table for everything else. In essence, if you move the mountain you can see the valley. Get those big, hard to do tasks out of the way and you will be able to breeze through everything else.

3.) Don’t be too proud to ask for help or delegate some tasks.

You are not a superhero. You just can’t do it all by yourself. If you have extra hands that can help, use them. Ask your spouse to do some of the small tasks that take time you can’t spare. Give the kids some chores and make them fun so they don’t even know they’re helping. All those friends and family that says “Call me if you need anything.” give them a ring. Even if they can’t at the moment, at least you know who you can really count on.

4.) No one is coming take away all your stress.

There are no superheros in your future. Don’t expect to be saved. No one is going to do it all for you. You have to do it yourself. No one can read your mind. You have to say that you are having a hard time and need help. You have to attack the situation head on. Face it and get it done.

5.) Self pity is a party of one.

Don’t play the victim. There are people going through more than you. After all, it could be worse. Pick your head up and keep it moving. It can only get better from here.

6.) Stop fighting change.

Like fighting the current of the Mississippi, fighting change will only make you drown. Flow with change and adapt to it. Fighting change will only make you tired. Take this opportunity to grow. It will challenge you to do better and be better.. Life is all about growth and learning. If you refuse to learn, you refuse to grow. Growth is necessary for survival.

7.) Don’t blame anyone for your stress.

It is YOUR stress. That means no one can cause it or stop it but you. You can’t control other people or other situations. You can however, control yourself and how you react to those people and those situation. Change your reaction and you could stop your stress from even occurring in the first place.

8.) Stop complaining.

No one is listening. No one likes a whiner. Complaining and being negative never helps anything. Period. Stop it now. Life and death is in the tongue. You can speak destruction and success into your life. Always be positive. No matter the situation. Rise above negativity.

9.) Put yourself in time out.

 If all else fails, step away. Give yourself some time. After all, this all begins and ends with you. There are people depending on you. You have to take care of yourself. Unhealthy body equals an unhealthy mind. Allow yourself some “me time”. Change and the stress of it can consume us. We have to unplug and unwind sometime. Schedule time for yourself, just like you schedule anything else. If it’s important, you’ll make time.

10.) Stay strong.

Faith is very important. No matter what religion you are, knowing that there is a higher power in control is comforting. Keep your faith. Prayer and meditation works wonders. Keep your head and your heart healthy.

I hope this helps someone. Let me know in the comments below.