Seeing life through someone else’s eyes

You never know how your actions affect other people until you hear exactly what you are going through from someone else’s perspective. It’s like shining a light into your own dark life.

I had a conversation with a close friend of mine and he told me a story about his ex-girlfriend. He was in love with her and she hurt him, badly. This story is common among people who have been in a relationship. The difference was that my friend was honest enough to tell me his true feelings. Feelings that he had expressed to no one before. I was touched and honored. For someone to share their innermost feelings means that they are very comfortable with trusting you and telling you this information.

The way he explained his feelings opened my eyes as to how my own husband feels about certain things in our relationship. My husband is the strong silent type. He doesn’t verbalize as much as I do. Now I feel like I have a better perspective on things from a man’s point of view. I will take the time to have a deep conversation with my husband to find out if this applies but for the most part, I’m sure he’ll be happy to know that I consider his feelings.

You never know how your actions affect someone else until you hear it from someone on the outside looking in. There is a lot we can learn from each other just by listening. Not just with our eyes but with our heart.

This conversation definitely opened my eyes.

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Have I found planner peace?

So here I am, two years into my official planning journey and I end up with multiple planners. I was the girl calling other girls crazy for having multiple planners. I didn’t see the point in planning in multiple planners. I had no idea why certain information needed its own planner. Now I am one of those crazy people and surprisingly I feel more sane now than I have ever felt in my life. I am finally at the point where I feel like I don’t have to buy another binder or another accessory. I am really fine with what I have.

I also have a confession to make, I didn’t spend over $20 for each of the planners that you see in the picture. I got the two Happy Planners from Michael’s and I got the Webster’s Pages from Jo Ann’s. I used reward coupons and got each of my planners for pennies on the dollar. I also got stickers and accessories for 60% off at Michael’s. So far my planner journey hasn’t broke the bank and I’m proud of that. That makes my husband happy too.

So now it’s time for me to tell you what I use each planner for.

This little guy is my purse-onal planner. It is my planner on the go. I have sections for tracking and journaling. This is my personal planner dedicated just to me and what takes most importance in my life. It includes my routines, medication lists, mood tracker, workout log and Dr. appointment log. I keep a few sheets of grid paper to track what I have to do with my 2 kids. Each child has a small section in this planner. That’s it. I’m only using this planner for me. This is my personal domain.

Webster’s Pages A5 Color Crush

This gorgeous beauty is my social media planner. I have multiple social media accounts and I want to keep better track of what I’m doing and where. I recently purchased a domain for my blog and I suddenly needed somewhere special to track my blog and my YouTube channel. I was torn because I wanted this one to be my purse-onal planner, but it was too much to carry in my bag. I have a section for each of my social media profiles including my Instagram dedicated to planning. @creatively_dee288 You can find more pictures and layouts there of all of my planners and accessories.

 

Everyday Essentials Classic size Happy Planner

This big guy is my home and family planner it has the gold expansion rings and it is packed with everyone’s schedules, appointments, paydays etc. I also have the Happy Planner Home Planner extension in here. I use this planner for meal planning and household management. I love how customization the Happy Planner is. I can print and punch a million and one inserts or just go to Michael’s and Hobby Lobby and purchase more. This is the planner that also gets the most abuse. It is out on my desk all the time and sometimes my son uses it as a coloring book lol. I also spend a lot of time in this planner because everything else revolves around this planner.

I feel at peace with my planner system as it is right now. Each planner has a purpose. It took me a 30 minutes to set them all up to fit my life and fulfill their purpose. I often felt unhappy with my planning systems in the past because I felt like I wasn’t getting anything accomplished. Now that I have had my current system in place for 2 weeks, I feel like I have gotten more done in these two weeks then in all of 2017 combined. It’s amazing how just a small thing can really change your life. I never would have thought that I would be a planner girl let alone a 3 planner girl. I’m impressed with myself, my system and my productivity because of it.

Let me know how your productivity has changed recently and what planner system you use. Don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more lifestyle and productivity tips, tricks and most of all results.

10 ways to survive the daily chaos of motherhood

Being a wife and mother is a never-ending job. I’m up early and in bed late. I keep the world spinning, food magically appears from nowhere and I make sure the sun rises and sets daily. I keep the catastrophe at bay and the boogieman and I have cultivated a nice friendship over the years. (metaphorically speaking)

I am at the center of everything in my home and everyone is a priority, except me. As much as I love my kids and my husband, I found that I really lost myself taking care of everyone else. The doctors call this post-partum depression. I think that is the wrong term because what i’m talking about happens to every woman at some point and usually it’s due to being overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities without any depression at all.

Putting everyone and everything before ourselves is our way of coping with the stress and strain of Motherhood. It’s a natural sacrifice that we make that we really shouldn’t. The less we take care of ourselves, the less effective we are at taking care of our children and household. I am guilty of this on so many levels. I have even caught my self neglecting myself for weeks at a time. I am guilty of this. I have dealt with depression and it has drastically gotten better over time. The times that I neglect myself the most are not caused by depression but by a super busy schedule, a sick child and mountains of laundry worse than the Himalayas. I was not sad or emotional when I was neglecting myself. I was trying to get the chaos in order.

Once I caught myself doing this, I got on a mission to improve my world so that this would not happen again. I started getting together a system that helped me to deal with my family, my responsibilities and tasks, as well as myself.

1.) Get a planner 
I know that you have heard this a million times but this is so true. You will have so much on your mind things will get lost in the shuffle. Write them down. Either in an app on your phone, or a paper and pen. I keep a notebook and a planner. I have to write. It gives me the greatest calm and peace to write down not only my tasks for the day but also how I’m feeling. Seeing it on paper can help me to sort out what is just my mind running wild and what is actually happening. Believe me, I have been through the altered reality too many times. Writing things down will clear your mind and get you grounded fast. I have a Happy Planner by Create 365. I decorate and plan in my planner weekly which is a creative outlet for me as well as functional.

Classic Happy Planner: Everyday Essentials

http://www.michaels.com/create-365-the-medium-happy-planner-delicate-garden/10531393.html

2.) Get a plan together 
Once you have your planner in hand, use it. Concentrate on writing down your tasks and to do’s. Prioritize from the most important to the things that can be done later. You will realize, once you make your list, that things are not as overwhelming as they seem. You will gain so much clarity.  I usually do a top 5. After that I do an optional 3. Any more than that and I won’t have room for things that come up all of a sudden. Flexibility is key. Leave room in your schedule for unforeseen events. Give yourself extra time to complete tasks.

3.) Execute
Put your big girl panties on and get to it. You have to focus on what you have in front of you. The old saying “out of sight, out of mind” is true. You have to tackle what you see first. Then move on to the next. Hit your top priority items on your task list. Challenge yourself to get done at least the first 5 without stopping or getting distracted. You will be pleasantly surprised at what you can get done.

4.) Stop multitasking
You shouldn’t multi-task just like you should’t text and drive. It will end badly. If you are cleaning, then clean. If you’re doing laundry then do laundry. You will get tasked completed so much faster if you focus on one thing at a time. You will also have more attention to detail. This means you won’t forget or leave much out.

5.) Schedule everything
Now, let’s get carried away with this one. Some people take this statement literally. When I say schedule everything, I mean make sure to use your time wisely. If you have a block of time in between tasks, this is the perfect time to schedule some down time for yourself. I even schedule showers and baths. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have asked myself if I had taken a shower that day. It may sound ridiculous to some but, it’s absolutely true. Schedule your personal care time too. I even write down my morning and night routines for my skincare. This comes in handy when you get mommy brain and can’t remember anything.

Now, by this time you should at least have a pretty good handle on things. Planning and scheduling should have at least cleared the smoke and let you see things much clearer now. Now that you have a little clarity as far as tasks go the next three will make your life even easier.

6.) Prep ahead of time
My kids clothes and my clothes are laid out ahead of time. Their clothes are organized so that I can grab what I need when I need it. My clothes are organized in the same way. I train my kids to use the same system that I have put in place and explain to them why. They get it. They are also young so their brains are just soaking it all up. This habit took me a while to cultivate and master but my “future self” thanks me all the time. Trust me it’s worth the extra effort.

7.) Get everyone involved
Don’t leave your kids out of the clean up. Get them to help clean up their messes and do laundry whenever possible. Remember, you are raising adults and you want them to be confident and independent. Giving them responsibility and chores little by little instills character. This also gives you a chance to see what they can do and what they can’t. It’s a great learning experience for you and them. You can even make it fun by turning it into a game. Engaging their critical thinking and motor skills which is great for their development. It also lightens the load on you.

8.) Develop a routine
Having a routine is critical. This can make the day go a little smoother but most of all, orderly. An established routine creates order and expectancy. Kids like this because it gives them a sense of security. They know what happens next and what is expected. There is no room left for question. This will also make life easier for you because after the routine is learned, the only thing you have to do is oversee.

9.) Be Consistent
As a mother, tiredness and lack of sleep were my greatest complaint. Establishing the routines talked about earlier has given me a chance to train not only my kids but myself.  I compare it to the metaphor that says “The fish rots from the head.” this is very true. You are the lead person in your household. The group of people you are responsible for respond to you and your leadership. They feed off of your energy. Make sure it is always positive. Being consistent is a positive reinforcement. Even though we don’t feel like it we should for the greater good of our home and family. A little struggle pays off in the end.

10.) Take time to relax and reset
Like I mentioned earlier. I even schedule this time in my planner. I will at least have a day or a few hours to myself to unwind, relax, and reset. You absolutely need to have this time. Whether it be a few minutes or a few hours. Take time to take care of yourself so that you can take care of the ones you love.

How I have been handling my anxiety.

I have been having anxiety for some time now. How I held my anxiety has been a struggle for me. I finally found new ways to handle my anxiety and have come across reasons why my anxiety has become so bad.

My anxiety usually stems from me trying to do too much at once or having just too much on my brain at once. Now that I’m a grown woman and have two children one of which is a 7 month old, I’ve had to find other ways to handle my anxiety and calm myself down.

So recently I’ve been trying to do journaling, I have been using a planner, and I have been doing more blogging to try and overcome what goes on inside of my head. No one can really understand anxiety and it’s really different for everyone who suffers from it. Anxiety is a strange thing it comes from a strange place and not even scientists or Specialists know the really ins-and-outs of anxiety and what causes it. Like I said before my anxiety came from me having too much on my mind or too much on my plate and just being overwhelmed in general. Having another baby really brought on a lot of my anxieties which were only fears from previous pregnancies that didn’t produce a living child. I’ve always been afraid of having another miscarriage and this time when I got pregnant it was a total surprise and it was a little later in life than I would have liked it to be but God had other plans.

So first of all let me talk about my happy planner which I can’t stop talking about. I found a whole planning Community, a whole planning world of people like me who have become passionate about happy planning. I’m calling it happy planning but the truth is it is Glam planning or memory planning. And the roots of happy planning came from scrapbooking where as one person took a planner and used it to document memories and put pictures in so it became a hybrid of planner from day-to-day and a memory Keepsake. So with that being said, you could always keep your happy planners, one for each year or 18 months that you have. It can be kept that long because it is filled with memories.

So the happy planning thing was something that I got into. I enjoyed looking at everyone’s layout and the stickers really got me addicted.  I couldn’t use the happy Planner on its own I had to have stickers, I had to have washi tape, I had to have everything that went along with this happy planner. I must say that being able to dump out what is inside your head onto paper made my anxiety so much better. I was able to plan out my days and my nights. I got more sleep. I was better focused. I had more concentration because I didn’t have so much on my mind that I had to remember. I had the planner to put it in.

So while I was on the happy planner journey, I found a thing called bullet journaling. Now bullet journaling to me was a hybrid of happy planning it, only that bullet journaling was that you would have bulleted points that you would Journal instead of writing a whole paragraph. This became a problem for me because I am a traditional journalist. I like to write out whole paragraphs. So for me the bullet journaling system really didn’t work like how I would see it on Pinterest or how I will see it on YouTube. But the idea of decorating my journal to make it just as pretty and to get creative with it just like I did my planner was awesome.

So with all this being said, this is how I have been handling my anxiety and it’s helped me in a lot of ways. Planning has helped me to get organized and journaling has helped me to dump out all of the things that are in my mind. All of my fears and worries. When you can write it down and see it on paper, you can just about map out what is real and what is only in your mind. I can safely say that most of my anxiety is really just in my mind. So now that I have these two systems of letting out my creativity and unraveling my mind at the same time it’s so much more comforting.

Not knowing what God’s plan is or why I’m here or why I have kids or why he’s given me kids at this point in my life is no longer a question for me. The question is what am I going to do tomorrow? How are we going to enjoy today? What fun memories can we make?

I’m no longer stressed about what what I’m doing or what I’m going to do. I just plan on being happy. I think that’s why happy planning and bullet journaling has just really taken control of my heart. I’ve even got in my kids creative with me to help me put in the stickers and write things down and it’s just awesome.  So happy planning and bullet journaling has helped me to handle my anxiety in a much different way.

So now my life is filled with so much joy, so much comfort. I have more time for my kids because of how I’ve gotten organized. I’m smoking less,drinking less I’m stressing less and I’m enjoying it.

So hopefully this helps someone out there. If you would like to get into Happy planning there is a YouTuber by the name of Heather Kell, kellofaplan. Her videos have helped me tremendously. I watched videos from the happy planner website, all of these things can help and there are people on Instagram whose Instagram is dedicated just to planning. so if you go and look up #happyplanning or #plannergirls or #plannerbabe you will find these people on Instagram. I hope you all have a blessed week and I hope that someone out there loves happy planning as much as I do. If you have a happy planner please don’t be afraid to share what you track in your happy planner or pictures if you like. You can find me on Google+ and on YouTube.

I hope you find your happy.

Profusion 6 piece Kiss me up matte lipstick review

I stumbled across this set in my local Dollar General store and it caught my eye. With all the matte lip trends I felt compelled to give this product a try. I already have an obsession about lipstick as it is. I just had to pick up this set. The lipstick packaging looks very sleek and They have a clear stripe so you can see each color. These are a comfortable formula with no real smell or taste. I love the feel of these lipsticks and they have at least a five hour wear without eating or drinking. They are not transfer proof which I wasn’t expecting for the price.

This is a great starter set for someone who wants to experiment with matte lipstick. Most matte lipsticks cost a pretty penny and it’s best not to dive in and invest before knowing if a matte lip is for you. I definitely needed to try matte lip before investing and I like how it looks so far. I’m a medium deep skintone and most of these lipsticks I had to use a lipliner with to tone down the color. This wasn’t a con for me because I usually wear a lipliner with any lipstick I wear anyway. The wear time is okay but the feel is amazing. They feel very moisturizing on the lips and don’t dry your lips out like most matte lipsticks do.

I would definitely recommend these to a friend and will repurchase more lippies from Profusion.

 

 

Lorac buildable blush review

Of all the makeup products in the world my favorites are all full of color. Blushes and lip products are my vice. I can’t help myself when it comes to these two products. Today the topic is blush. I have always loved NARS blushes but they are quite an investment. Those blushes are highly pigmented and sometimes have to be applied with a light hand, which I tend not to have with most colored products. I have been on a quest for a more day to day blush that was blendable and had less of a hefty price tag. My research led me to Lorac. The company that has become well known for their iconic pro eyeshadow and bronzer had finally come out with a line of blushes that catered to the everyday woman. These blushes are so soft and smooth and they look incredible on the skin. The formula is matte and satin so you can find the right one for you. Thanks to Ulta beauty and Lorac cosmetics, I have finally gotten my hands on the two colors that I had been eying for a while and at 50% off.

Technicolor

This first color I am going to talk about is a beautiful vibrant peach. It compliments a lot of skin tones and is a gorgeous flush on any warm skin tone. Technicolor is that blush that fools the eye. It makes you think that it will be overpowering and it really isn’t that at all. It looks so beautiful on the skin, I fell in love with this one first. It makes you look so fresh and awake. The formula of these blushes are so amazing, They are soft and buildable and the color payoff is amazing. This will be the perfect blush for me come spring and summer. It will be just the right amount of healthy glow.

Chroma

The next color is Chroma and it also fooled me. I thought that it was going to really be a straight up purple blush. Instead, it was a gorgeous wash of plum. The perfect blush for me this coming fall season. I love my plums and berries in the fall and this blush ties right into what I look for during the fall and winter months. I’ve just found my new favorite fall/winter blush. It applies so effortlessly. It blends like butter and wears like a dream. I won’t be putting this one down any time soon.

The whole line of blushes are really beautiful. If you’re heavy handed like me you will love the formula and application. These blushes are designed for everyday use and wear. I would not compare them to a MAC or NARS blush. This is a totally different formula. These blushes don’t have as much pigment. They apply to the skin very lightly. Even when you pick up a lot of product. Lorac really accomplished their goal with this product and the name is spot on. I hope you fall in love with these blushes as much as I have. They are really pretty.

All About Foundation

Okay, so let’s start with foundation. Foundation is a very personal and sometimes emotional thing when it comes to makeup. Some will not part from a foundation that they have been using for years. I, on the other hand, will try new things and sometimes change according to what my skin is going through at that time.

Even though I have combination/dry skin I do like a matte to semi-matte finish. I rarely go for a luminous foundation unless it is winter and my skin needs it. I like to look made up. Even though all the trends are a no makeup look. I am a true diva and I go for the gold, beat for the Gods face when I am wearing makeup. I cannot seem to pull off that no makeup look. It always goes too far for me and then I go full glam. I am not ashamed to say that.

In my quest for the perfect foundation, which is on going, I have come across a few that have impressed me. Some high end and drugstore. The thing with me is not price. I will pay for quality over quantity any day as long as my hard earned money is spent well. I have no preference of high or low end products. I use what works for me and what I love.

Most of the brands and products I will speak about have been tried and tested over and over again in various ways. I give each product a rigorous testing to make sure that it does what it claims and that it doesn’t fail. My aim is to get it to fail. If in fact a product does fail or misses the mark, I will immediately let you know what my thoughts are on that product and the manner in which it failed.

So let’s get started.

Maybelline
This company has come out with two favorites of mine and they both are the Fit-Me foundations, Original and the Matte and pore-less, The original foundation was in fact the only luminous foundation that I would reach for even though it was released in late summer, which is common for most foundations. The Original Fit-Me required a lot. Priming and powdering and not touching it was important for its longevity. It was beautiful on the skin but without primer and setting powder it didn’t last long. It seemed to never dry or set which also made quite a mess as it transferred on my hands and clothes all day. I am a hugger so it also would embarrassingly transfer onto anyone I gave a great big hug to. This to me was ridiculous, but in essence, considering the price, I got what I paid for.On a higher note, this was a beautiful foundation and it made me glow and with a little experimentation I got it to do what I wanted it to do and not transfer. That is what made this one for me.

The Matte and Pore-less is a shocker. I was hoping for this foundation to come out in a matte formula and then, it did! I was amazed at the shade range but was still weary because I know how bad matte formulas tend to oxidize. I didn’t want to be a giant Um-pa-loo-pa face. I tried it in cocoa and coconut. Both were too dark so I got the next up which in the bottle looked way too light but ended up being my perfect shade. I haven’t been able to put it down since. Great job Maybelline. The powder and the blushes are great in this line too.

Estee’ Lauder
I have been wearing this brand since I started wearing makeup in my teens. I know that this is a well established company and their brand is international but up until recently their foundations weren’t. Double Wear is their “Golden Child”. This line has expanded so much over the last four years. The thing that got it all started, Double Wear foundation, Wow. This is the most long-wearing, bullet-proof, no smudge or budge foundation in the world. No one has even come close and if they have, they are a part of the Estee’ Lauder family of companies underneath their umbrella. Every skin tone is covered from alabaster to rich mahogany. The only flaw is the weight of the foundation on the skin which, since the first claims were made, prompted Estee’ Lauder to reformulate. My favorite from this line is Double Wear Light, That is my everyday foundation. Hands Down.

A newcomer to the Estee’ Lauder family is Perfectionist CPR foundation which is another luminous foundation that I love, It has the CPR serum inside so its like skincare in your foundation which is brilliant. I can cover and treat all at once. It is medium build-able coverage, which I like. It has a soft luminescence which I also like and my skin has visibly improved since I started using it. As with any other luminous foundation, it transfers and doesn’t exactly dry or set. It also takes a little work to make this foundation stay put and do what you want it to do. Unlike Double Wear, which sets fast and doesn’t move, this one will move around if you don’t set it properly.

Revlon
This company has been the leader in long-wear for a while now. The Color stay line is it’s “Golden Child”. The best thing about this line that drew me in was that it came in normal/dry and combination/oily formula which covered everyone across the board. The shade range is awesome and I have no complaints about the coverage, The only thing about this foundation is that your oil would come through at about the 5 hour mark or so. I don’t even have an oily T zone until I met this foundation.

One prize I keep going back to in this line is the HD foundation which I think is awesome. I’ve gone through four already. I can’t say enough. The shade range is a little limited and for some skin tones you have to mix two shades. Other than that, it’s a great alternative to more higher priced HD foundations.

L’Oreal
There is only one favorite for foundation and it is True Match. This foundation never fails and looks so natural. This is as close to a no makeup look as I can get. The matching powders and blush from this line are amazing also. They blend so well and they are soft and creamy to the touch, which I know is a hard to find thing with drugstore makeup.This company deserves their props for this one. Everyone I know uses or has used and loves this foundation. It’s light on the skin, very blend-able and build-able, great coverage, wide shade range, its just awesome. It’s only flaw is that it is not long wearing. You can get six good hours out of this foundation with touch ups. That’s it. Don’t go looking for more. You’ll only be disappointed.

True Match Lumi for me was an epic fail. It made me look greasy and it broke me out terribly. I just couldn’t take it.

MAC
Saving the best for last. MAC is iconic in the beauty industry. Their legacy is television and stage makeup. They have been a makeup artist company and brand for decades. They have graciously agreed, after Estee’ Lauder bought them, to let regular people have access to these professional grade products and excellent service.
Okay, enough brown nosing and BS. MAC is the worst shopping experience ever in life but, I will put up with their rude customer service and horrible manners for the products that I live by. I only have three staples from MAC but they are in my everyday routine,
Pro Long-wear foundation and concealer. Holy grail products. Cannot live without these two. They are my friends and lifesavers. Pro Long-wear foundation came along at the right time for me because Studio Fix Fluid was becoming too much for my skin. Pro Long-wear came in and swept me off my feet. I committed to him quicker than my wonderful husband but, I digress. I was so in love with this foundation that I use up every drop. Six bottles and counting. Four of the concealer.

With all the brands we have to choose from, it’s hard to pick just one favorite. I like having options and being able to cater my makeup to my mood or activity. I like what I like even though I sometimes like everything. I just wanted to share my thoughts and opinions of these products so that maybe I can help you pick a favorite or two. Always remember to do what makes you happy in your makeup and everyday life. Play, have fun and if it doesn’t work for you, its only makeup. Wash it off and try again.

Realistic New Year’s Resolution

I Almost Died

With any major change in life comes some stress. The stress of change can cause us to really freak out most of the time. I know I have damn near gone crazy with all the changes in my life right now. There are a few lessons that I have learned that I think will help some of you who are also going through some type of stress or just dealing with a full plate. Most of these lessons are common sense, but most are ones you didn’t think of. Sometimes our brain is so full of other things that we aren’t really thinking clear. That brings me to my first point:

1.) Just breathe.

This change and the stress that comes with it has not killed you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this, Just take a second and breathe. Assess the situation and calm down, You will get through this. Once you stop and breathe, the fresh oxygen to your brain will help you to think more clearly.

2.) Handle the hard stuff first.

I know we like to do the easy stuff first but, doing the stuff we want to do the least first helps to clear the table for everything else. In essence, if you move the mountain you can see the valley. Get those big, hard to do tasks out of the way and you will be able to breeze through everything else.

3.) Don’t be too proud to ask for help or delegate some tasks.

You are not a superhero. You just can’t do it all by yourself. If you have extra hands that can help, use them. Ask your spouse to do some of the small tasks that take time you can’t spare. Give the kids some chores and make them fun so they don’t even know they’re helping. All those friends and family that says “Call me if you need anything.” give them a ring. Even if they can’t at the moment, at least you know who you can really count on.

4.) No one is coming take away all your stress.

There are no superheros in your future. Don’t expect to be saved. No one is going to do it all for you. You have to do it yourself. No one can read your mind. You have to say that you are having a hard time and need help. You have to attack the situation head on. Face it and get it done.

5.) Self pity is a party of one.

Don’t play the victim. There are people going through more than you. After all, it could be worse. Pick your head up and keep it moving. It can only get better from here.

6.) Stop fighting change.

Like fighting the current of the Mississippi, fighting change will only make you drown. Flow with change and adapt to it. Fighting change will only make you tired. Take this opportunity to grow. It will challenge you to do better and be better.. Life is all about growth and learning. If you refuse to learn, you refuse to grow. Growth is necessary for survival.

7.) Don’t blame anyone for your stress.

It is YOUR stress. That means no one can cause it or stop it but you. You can’t control other people or other situations. You can however, control yourself and how you react to those people and those situation. Change your reaction and you could stop your stress from even occurring in the first place.

8.) Stop complaining.

No one is listening. No one likes a whiner. Complaining and being negative never helps anything. Period. Stop it now. Life and death is in the tongue. You can speak destruction and success into your life. Always be positive. No matter the situation. Rise above negativity.

9.) Put yourself in time out.

 If all else fails, step away. Give yourself some time. After all, this all begins and ends with you. There are people depending on you. You have to take care of yourself. Unhealthy body equals an unhealthy mind. Allow yourself some “me time”. Change and the stress of it can consume us. We have to unplug and unwind sometime. Schedule time for yourself, just like you schedule anything else. If it’s important, you’ll make time.

10.) Stay strong.

Faith is very important. No matter what religion you are, knowing that there is a higher power in control is comforting. Keep your faith. Prayer and meditation works wonders. Keep your head and your heart healthy.

I hope this helps someone. Let me know in the comments below.

One month postpartum update and dealing with depression

On October 10, 2016 we gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We named her Gwendolyn.

 At first for me this was a struggle to admit to myself that I was even pregnant. I found out I was pregnant on March 1, 2016. I was six weeks and five days along at this point and it was hard to believe. My son is now six years old and with all the trouble I had conceiving, I just thought I wasn’t going to have any more children. I really prayed and asked God for a child when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I was almost 14 weeks along when I found out I was pregnant with him and I must admit it was easier and quicker than this pregnancy. I’m a firm believer in God and I don’t remember asking him for a little girl, but I must admit, I was a bit envious of all the newborn babies I was seeing at the time. Everywhere I went it seemed like someone had a new baby girl. Maybe deep in my heart, I might have whispered that prayer. God blessed me with what my heart was desiring so, that means that the Bible is true. God will give his true and faithful the desires of their heart.

I had a lot of new symptoms with this pregnancy that I didn’t with my son. The swelling of my hands, legs, and feet were the worst. I like to move around and stay busy and the swelling just would not let me do that. I was so miserable and whiny. I also had a lot of shortness of breath with this one. I am already a high risk because of my diabetes. At the end I was ready to throw in the towel. I was so emotional and miserable and I had started to get preeclampsia, which prompted my doctor to deliver a couple of weeks early. I was so happy to finally be done with it and have my little bundle of joy in my arms. My excitement and joy came across a hurdle. My daughter had to spend some time in the NICU and that made me crazy. For nine months I was waiting on the greatest gift God could ever give anyone and she has to fight for her life. Being away from something that grew inside of you is the hardest thing ever. She was right down the hall from me in the hospital but it felt like she was miles away.

I cried and prayed and cried some more. The doctors don’t make it any better. Every few hours it seems they would come back to tell me something else they found wrong with my child. They really pissed me off. That made me cry. I was in pain from the C-section and the swelling still hadn’t gone down. It was hard for me to move and get around and that made me cry. Finally, after six days we could finally bring my love home. I was so happy. I held her so much and gave her lots of kisses and love. My heart was so full. I wondered, how could God, as busy as he is, take the time to make something so beautiful and perfect just for me? He must truly love me. I must be special to him. I felt so loved and blessed and that made me cry. (Tears of joy)

Today my love is a month old and thriving. I have the most beautiful little girl ever. I’m sure every parent feels this way. I wouldn’t trade my two children for anything in this world. Just when I thought my heart couldn’t love anyone else. Here Gwendolyn comes and steals my heart. My son CJ is being the best big brother ever. He and his dad are very helpful and protective of “little Gwen”.

A few months before my daughter was born I was treated for depression and was given medication. It seemed to not help. It was only a temporary fix. When I forgot to take that medicine, I felt it. I didn’t want to become dependent on it. I wanted to feel the joy I should have been feeling being pregnant with my beautiful baby girl. I shouldn’t have been sad or worrying before she was born, but I was. I couldn’t shake this feeling of dread. and I don’t know why or where it came from. I haven’t had a problem with depression since I graduated high school. I felt like I was loosing my mind. Everything drove me crazy. I just wanted to be alone all the time and I cried so much til my eyes were almost swollen shut.

I tried to get to the bottom of what I was feeling or rather why I was feeling what I was feeling. I had a support system. I had people around me to help and rooting for me to be great. My husband was loving and supportive. My family was rallying around me constantly. Everything was done by the time we delivered. What was going on in my mind? Why was I so confused, scared, worried and sad?

Honestly, I never have found out what was really going on. After Gwendolyn was born the fog just lifted. I knew what to do because I had done it before. Not just with my kids but with my cousins, nieces and nephews, all of which I helped to raise because I am the eldest. I remember thinking to myself one night that I was going to be a terrible mother and questioning why would God give such a terrible person children. This was the point when I decided to talk to someone about what I was feeling. I wanted to kill myself so the children wouldn’t have such a terrible mother. This was while I was still pregnant. I immediately checked myself into the hospital. I had people in place to take care of my son and my household for a few days while I seeked treatment.

While in the hospital I came across a situation that made me wake up. A woman had left her children in the car while she went in to the casino to play the poker machines. I was so furious. How could she leave those poor kids in the car so she could go gamble? What kind of mother is she? Then I asked myself; What kind of mother am I? I pondered this question most of the night, still angry from what I had heard and seen earlier that day. I realized how much I love kids. Not just my own but my friends’and families’ kids. I’m the most loving and kind person ever.(according to my friends and family) Oh yes. They put up an incredible fuss about me when I came home from the hospital and did their best to assure me that I was a great mother. That was music to my ears.

As a wife and a mother sometimes we need to hear these things. Even if we know it. I remember bringing my son to his first doctor’s visit and the doctor looked at me and said. “He’s so fine and healthy.You’re doing a great job. You’re a good mother.” This statement alone brought me to uncontrollable tears. The doctor embraced me, gave me some tissue and said it again. “You’re a great mom. You’re doing a great job.” I muffled through my sobbing a very humble “Thank You”. She truly humbled my heart with that statement. My husband also got the same reaction when he told me the same thing a few hours later when he came home from work. I laid my head on his chest and cried for what seemed like twenty minutes. He comforted me and gave me a kiss on the forehead, which was also a first. Later on he asked me was everything okay and I told him that I just needed to know if I was doing it right. He told me that there is no right or wrong way to parent, but the love that I showed our child was all he needed to see to know that I was a great mother. And the sobbing began again.

No matter how old your children are, from a few weeks to teenagers, or grown with children of their own, as mothers we need to hear that we’re doing or have done a good job. It  just validates all the pain and turmoil we go through with and for our kids. This kept me from jumping off a bridge, literally. Maybe it will help a mother you know who is new, tired, exhausted, or just telling it to your own mom will make her day. You never know how your words will affect someone else. Choose them wisely.

To: All the mothers

You’re a great mom.

XOXO
Dee